I might have a new guy in my life. I say might mainly because I’m jaded but also I’m not sure in what capacity he’d be around. I think he’s not sure either because the other night, as New Guy was leaving, he mentioned going on a date sometime for fun.
In my mind, I didn’t make too much of it and saw it as nothing really different than what we’ve been doing so far (which is eating dinner that I cooked, this time someone else would be cooking it and we’d spilt the bill). I told him I’d hold him to that since, although I’ve only known him a short time, he seems a bit flaky.
This triggered some kind of reaction in him and he made damn sure I was aware that he “really sucked” when it came to relationship stuff because women can be “crazy” and “psycho,” he must have said psycho like 7 times.
Then he attempted to back track in a patronizing manner when he stated that women are so much smarter than men and get away with lying. He told me that if he lied to me I could spot it from a mile away but women are smarter and can get out of anything.
Oh yeah… he didn’t just step in it.
He got that shit all up in his treads and stomped around.
Naturally I looked him straight in the eye, kept nodding my head as he dug that hole deeper and deeper, then sweetly said we’ll tackle that topic next time. As much as I really would have loved to watch him immolate himself solely with his words, it was late and he was half way out the door.
Now to put this into perspective, New Guy is most probably used to women jumping on the opportunity to go on a date with him. And if they get that far, I’d bet it’s not long before they start fantasizing about marriage and children. That’s because New Guy is a model:
Regardless! He brought up a topic that gets me quite heated and probably not in the sense he’s used to when it comes to heating women up…
When men say women are crazy, they’re really saying they don’t understand why a woman would have a certain reaction to something they did or said so they call it insanity. When in reality, they just couldn’t imagine themselves reacting in that way, and if they did,
well shit they’d have to be nuts!
I’ve read many an article about how calling a woman crazy undermines her reality. Basically, in calling her crazy you’re saying that her natural reaction to something is so intense she needs to suppress that part of herself and calm the fuck down.
And all those articles are spot on. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it weird or crazy or wrong, you are just ignorant and too lazy to try to comprehend.
This, I believe, is where the root of the problem lies. I’d say that all men (and by men I mean cis heterosexual men, sorry to leave others out but they’re my only specialty when it comes to dudes) should take a course in psychology but New Guy has a degree in that and… well… you know.
There is a book by Louann Brizendine called The Female Brain and it was one of the best reads I’ve ever had. She also has a book called The Male Brain. Both are about 150 pages and very readable for the non-scientific mind. She tracks the brain from the womb to death and uses A TON of scientific evidence to back it all up. In fact, the books are actually closer to 200 pages but the last quarter is all the support for her findings. In a nutshell this is what I gleaned from them:
After reading the Female Brain –
I’m NOT nuts!
After reading the Male Brain –
*sits in stunned silence because it’s all been explained*
Even if you don’t read the books, the big picture is that we are made differently. Yes, women tend to be more emotionally charged but we are naturally like that. Therefore, telling her to suppress those emotions or down playing them or telling her that her emotions are insane hurts more than it helps.
Actually it just hurts the situation, it never, ever helps.
What would help is if men grasped the basic message Brizendine was getting at: we are made differently. Accept it. Attempt to understand it. Then apply it to your interactions with women and, oh, I don’t know, perhaps have a healthy, calm conversation about the real issue at hand?
Because after you understand and stop calling your female friends/lovers/family members insane, then you can start accepting those feelings within yourself. Another damaging part of calling women crazy is that if men show those emotions as well, they associate negative connotations with those emotions and suppress them, which never turns out well.
Although Brizendine wrote two separate books, it wasn’t because we are two completely different beings. No one is completely male and no one is completely female. I know lots of females who are far too logical for their own good and many overly emotional males. Unfortunately it seems anything remotely female is labeled as a negative. And it’s not. It’s part of who we are.
We are thinking AND feeling human beings
and suppressing any of our natural urges will only hurt us and those around us.
More empathy and understanding in any interaction will help all involved in a situation. So the sooner men comprehend our emotions and stop calling us crazy, the sooner we’ll stop calling them idiots for not even trying to understand in the first place.